Christian Loyalty

I am a Christian. In this day and age that admission is not without cost. Nevertheless I confess: I have a relationship of discipleship with the enigmatic, powerful, demanding Christ of the New Testament of the Bible. I believe him to be God incarnate, and accept all the challenges to the way I live my life that that belief brings.

When I was younger I used to wonder if I would have become a disciple of Jesus had I been alive and met him in first century Palestine. He was a dirty anti-establishment peace monger, a fringe dweller who demanded everything of the people who followed him. He turned all the dearly-held beliefs of his society upside down. Simply, forcefully, he introduced a whole new understanding of God, one that didn't include special privileges for people of certain tribal affiliations or levels of affluence. He taught radical inclusion, even of the ritually unclean. He demanded his followers learn the way of forgiveness and that they break old ties to kin and state. He asked, in other words, a fundamental realignment of loyalty away from the concerns of "the world" and toward this kooky understanding he called "the kingdom of heaven".

Lately I have come to see that of course I would have followed this weirdo. I follow him now. That might be partially an accident of culture and upbringing, but it is also a much deeper matter. He speaks to me from the center of my heart, from the room in my psyche where I stand in the presence of the divine. Certainly he would have spoken to me from that place had I met him in the outer world.

The real question is how well am I doing in being his disciple now. That is a moment to moment issue between me and the weirdo. As I understand it today, the kingdom of heaven is a bond of mutual accountability and care between me and all else that is. I have learned over the years that the distinctions between "the world" and this other kingdom are always murky. I think I am choosing in one direction and discover later it's really the other. Or my reasons for doing something morph midstream. Often I'm pulled into some course of action or involvement with others against my own will. The realignment of loyalty is tricky. I've learned to go slowly, look for feedback that comes over time, and not to be too flapped about playing the part of the fool.

Being a fool for Christ -- there's something noble about that. But just being a darn fool -- that's another matter. Unfortunately, you have to risk the latter in order to arrive at the former.

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. With millions of people around the world I reenacted the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem and then the passion of his crucifixion. I heard the stories of how Christ's disciples reeled away from the outrageous, horrible, affronting realization of what choosing the kingdom of heaven really means. Betrayal, denial, violence, running naked through the streets -- we all have trouble looking through that bright, bright window that is the cross.

Entering into Holy Week, focal point of the Christian year, I will have plenty of opportunity to reflect on all these things. Thank God for the communities of faith with which I make this journey and for Christ himself, speaking from my heart.