God is love, we say.
When I was a child, I was very confused by that assertion. My teachers believed in hell and in the Day of Judgment on which Christ, sitting on his throne in heaven, would separate good people from bad people and condemn the latter to an eternity of torture. There was no way I would ever be one of the good people, and so I was doomed. And what was loving about a God who would throw me into the fire as soon as I died? Perhaps he was righteous – certainly he was pure – but he was not loving by my way of reckoning it.
I was also confused by the fact that God’s love did not keep terrible things from happening. I and the people around me suffered, and God allowed this to happen. I decided that either God was a wimp or that he didn’t care all that much about what happened to me.
Little did I know that God was present in all the moments of my childhood as a goad to learning and to speaking the truth to myself and others. Little did I know that some of the very things that made me feel like a bad person were prompted by the whispers of God in my heart. Little did I know that, while the Day of Judgment is a metaphor and hell is not a literal place, a fiery reckoning is part of the walk with Jesus, every single day. This reckoning happens when we look dispassionately, with the eye of truth, on our daily antics, and strive to live as Christ's people in the world.
Now that I’m almost 60, I understand that God’s love is not, in the language of psychologist Carl Rogers, Unconditional Positive Regard. Yes, God accepts me where I am and never gives up on me. We wouldn’t still be in relationship if that were not true. But God’s love is fierce and demanding. It strips away everything I might dream or imagine about myself, down to my essence, and only then does it speak to me, and only to that essence. And then, in a still, small voice, that love begins to make demands.
God’s love feels to me sometimes like the lion’s love for its prey. Have you ever seen this on nature videos, how the lion takes the gazelle in its teeth, caressing it like a lover? God’s hunger for me is like that.
And God is relentless. God will not take no for an answer. God waits outside every door I close. Open the door a tiny crack and suddenly God is inside, working transformation on me.
I have discovered that I was made for this relationship. I was made for following the erratic promptings of the Holy One in my heart. I was made to sing praises and make thanksgivings. I was made to worship, and, in my own unique way, to serve. Living as I was created to live makes me happy as nothing else can.
God is love all right.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Practical Tools: Forgiving
Today's post is a simple offering of tools. I hope you find it helpful.
Forgiving is central to our life with God in community. It is a difficult task, actually impossible without the help of our relationship with the Holy. How can making art help? Here's a concrete way.
The person who wrongs us takes something from us. They become indebted to us through the harm they have done. That's why we talk about retaliating as “getting even”.
What is the shape of the indebtedness? What does it look like? Perhaps it is as tangible as the TV they broke through carelessness. Often it is more nebulous: the lost sense of well being and safety; the innocence stolen; the self esteem destroyed. Write about, draw or paint the thing stolen. What did it mean and what does its loss mean? What does it look like, feel like, to you?
Forgiving is releasing the person who harmed us from their debt to us. Now that you have a concrete item or set of items representing the debt, think of some gesture or ritual that will allow you to release the person responsible. The gesture might be cutting the metaphorical string that binds the perpetrator of harm to the debt. The ritual might be that you hold the object up and saying three times, “(Name), I release you.”
It’s important in doing this ritual that you are ready to do it. That way it can be a truly meaningful act. Are you ready to let the other person walk away scott free? Are you ready to let go of him/her and that debt of theirs? God is witness; and your connection with the Holy will be what allows you to really cut the ties.
Even so, you may have to do it more than once. That's okay.
Here is what not to do: Do not throw away or tear up or in some other way get rid of the object representing the debt. Whether it’s the broken TV or the loss of innocence, self-esteem, or well being, you are now responsible for it. It’s now in your hands. What will you do? Maybe it needs to be grieved and let go. Maybe it needs to be repaired and restored. These are separate actions from forgiving. They are what you need to do with your object next.
A couple of other things that are separate issues from forgiveness: Are you in harm’s way with the person you have forgiven? It is not part of forgiveness to leave yourself open to future damage. Are you protecting that person from justice? Forgiving doesn’t mean lying or covering up wrongs. Instead it means seeing the transgressions clearly, admitting them forthrightly. You don’t have to be complicit in a crime in order to forgive. Neither do you have to stay in a dangerous situation.
I hope you’ll tell me about your experiences with forgiving and about how this exercise goes. Blessings on your journey.
Forgiving is central to our life with God in community. It is a difficult task, actually impossible without the help of our relationship with the Holy. How can making art help? Here's a concrete way.
The person who wrongs us takes something from us. They become indebted to us through the harm they have done. That's why we talk about retaliating as “getting even”.
What is the shape of the indebtedness? What does it look like? Perhaps it is as tangible as the TV they broke through carelessness. Often it is more nebulous: the lost sense of well being and safety; the innocence stolen; the self esteem destroyed. Write about, draw or paint the thing stolen. What did it mean and what does its loss mean? What does it look like, feel like, to you?
Forgiving is releasing the person who harmed us from their debt to us. Now that you have a concrete item or set of items representing the debt, think of some gesture or ritual that will allow you to release the person responsible. The gesture might be cutting the metaphorical string that binds the perpetrator of harm to the debt. The ritual might be that you hold the object up and saying three times, “(Name), I release you.”
It’s important in doing this ritual that you are ready to do it. That way it can be a truly meaningful act. Are you ready to let the other person walk away scott free? Are you ready to let go of him/her and that debt of theirs? God is witness; and your connection with the Holy will be what allows you to really cut the ties.
Even so, you may have to do it more than once. That's okay.
Here is what not to do: Do not throw away or tear up or in some other way get rid of the object representing the debt. Whether it’s the broken TV or the loss of innocence, self-esteem, or well being, you are now responsible for it. It’s now in your hands. What will you do? Maybe it needs to be grieved and let go. Maybe it needs to be repaired and restored. These are separate actions from forgiving. They are what you need to do with your object next.
A couple of other things that are separate issues from forgiveness: Are you in harm’s way with the person you have forgiven? It is not part of forgiveness to leave yourself open to future damage. Are you protecting that person from justice? Forgiving doesn’t mean lying or covering up wrongs. Instead it means seeing the transgressions clearly, admitting them forthrightly. You don’t have to be complicit in a crime in order to forgive. Neither do you have to stay in a dangerous situation.
I hope you’ll tell me about your experiences with forgiving and about how this exercise goes. Blessings on your journey.
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