Practical Tools: Forgiving

Today's post is a simple offering of tools.  I hope you find it helpful.

Forgiving is central to our life with God in community.  It is a difficult task, actually impossible without the help of our relationship with the Holy.  How can making art help?  Here's a concrete way.

The person who wrongs us takes something from us. They become indebted to us through the harm they have done. That's why we talk about retaliating as “getting even”.

What is the shape of the indebtedness? What does it look like? Perhaps it is as tangible as the TV they broke through carelessness. Often it is more nebulous: the lost sense of well being and safety; the innocence stolen; the self esteem destroyed. Write about, draw or paint the thing stolen. What did it mean and what does its loss mean?  What does it look like, feel like, to you?

Forgiving is releasing the person who harmed us from their debt to us. Now that you have a concrete item or set of items representing the debt, think of some gesture or ritual that will allow you to release the person responsible. The gesture might be cutting the metaphorical string that binds the perpetrator of harm to the debt. The ritual might be that you  hold the object up and saying three times, “(Name), I release you.”

It’s important in doing this ritual that you are ready to do it. That way it can be a truly meaningful act. Are you ready to let the other person walk away scott free? Are you ready to let go of him/her and that debt of theirs? God is witness; and your connection with the Holy will be what allows you to really cut the ties.

Even so, you may have to do it more than once.  That's okay.

Here is what not to do: Do not throw away or tear up or in some other way get rid of the object representing the debt. Whether it’s the broken TV or the loss of innocence, self-esteem, or well being, you are now responsible for it. It’s now in your hands. What will you do? Maybe it needs to be grieved and let go. Maybe it needs to be repaired and restored. These are separate actions from forgiving. They are what you need to do with your object next.

A couple of other things that are separate issues from forgiveness: Are you in harm’s way with the person you have forgiven? It is not part of forgiveness to leave yourself open to future damage. Are you protecting that person from justice? Forgiving doesn’t mean lying or covering up wrongs. Instead it means seeing the transgressions clearly, admitting them forthrightly. You don’t have to be complicit in a crime in order to forgive. Neither do you have to stay in a dangerous situation.

I hope you’ll tell me about your experiences with forgiving and about how this exercise goes. Blessings on your journey.